we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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