I just made out with a guy for $7.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
