I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
