Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
