I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
