we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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