Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
