I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
