9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
