i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
try to milk me bitch
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