i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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