what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
