how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
