I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
