she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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