Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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