Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
