Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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