were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We are two peas in an std pod
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
