Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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