and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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