Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
