Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
