I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
