On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
