I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
