That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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