she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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