Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
