...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
