Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
