i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
