I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
