I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
