exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
