Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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