just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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