Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
