fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
