When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love having hate sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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