Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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