You work out of a Hotel?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
