Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
