i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
