i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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