We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
