I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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