you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
