I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
