Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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