i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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