They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
