So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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