how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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