At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We left an ass print on the piano.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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