He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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