I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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