he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
