I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
