so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
