Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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