THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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