my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
