Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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