No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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