Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize