im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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