her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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