I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
