It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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