So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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